Is Michael Jackson God

A little boy was learning about God in his church, and he was talking to 
his mother about it. She, not wanting to place prejudice in the little 
boy's mind, sat him and said: "God is not a man or a woman, and God is not 
black or white."
To which the child responded, "Well, then is God Michael Jackson?" 

Military Salary rating

The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air
Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers jumping out of 
perfectly good aircraft.  "Obviously the Air Force knows there's
no such thing as a 'perfectly good aircraft,'" the irritated 
officer finally countered one afternoon, "because they pay 
you bastards four times as much to stay in one as the Army
pays its men to jump."

"You've got it all wrong, Major," an Air Force sergeant 
replied.  "The Army figures anyone stupid enough to jump 
out of an airplane voluntarily is gonna be too dumb to bitch
about the salary."

The army guys

There's a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands, a guy from the NAVY was 
driving from Annapolis to the Meadowlands, and an Air Force guy who's driving from McGwire in 
South Jerz to the Meadowlands just to watch the Jets. 

In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other and all cars go 
flying off in different directions. The squid manages to climb out of his car and survey the 
damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I am really lucky to be alive!" Likewise 
the ARMY guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. The Air Force guy just shakes 
his head and says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck!" 

The NAVY guy walks over to the ARMY and Air Force guys and says, "Hey guys, I think this is a 
sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of 
arch rivals." The ARMY guy thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! 
We should be friends."

The Air Force guy says "Let me see what else survived this wreck." So he pops open his trunk 
and finds a full unopened bottle of Jack Daniels.

He says to the NAVY and Army guys, "I think this is another sign from God that we should toast 
to our new found understanding and friendship." The Swabbie says, "You're right!" and he grabs 
the bottle and starts sucking down Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly a third of the 
bottle the Squid hands it to the ARMY guy and says, "Your turn! The ARMY guy sucks down a third
and hands the bottle back to the Air Force guy. 

The Air Force guy puts the cap back on the bottle and says, "I think I'll wait for the cops to 
show up." 

Death Announcement at a Military Parade

At the morning roll call at Fort Dix, the sergeant called out,
"Platoon, atten-HUT! Private Martinez, report to the office. Your 
brother died last night."
The Chaplain, Rabbi Horowitz, looked on in horror. "Sergeant," he said
afterwards, "that's a rather cruel and unfeeling way to break tragic 
news. We must be more gentle and less abrupt in the future,"
The sergeant shrugged. "Yes sir. I'll try to remember that." He didn't
look very convinced.
Several days later, a call came in about another family death. As the 
troops were assembling for roll call, the Chaplain stepped forward.
"Let me take this one, sergeant", he said. He turned toward the 
sleepy-looking soldiers and said, "Platoon, atten-HUT !" They came to 
attention. "Good morning, men!" he said. "Good morning, sir", they 
replied. "Men, today is Mother's Day, and I hope all of you will be 
calling home to send your moms a loving thought. In fact, all of you
who are fortunate enough to still have a mother who's alive and well, 
take two steps forward. Private Jones; not so fast!"

What an interview!!!!

A man was being interviewed for a job. 

"Were you in the service?" ask the interviewer. 

"Yes, I was a marine," responded the applicant. 

"Did you see any active duty?" 

"I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability." 

"May I ask what happened?" 

"Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both 
testicles." 

"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 am." 

"When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential 
treatment because of my disability." 

"Everyone else starts at 7 am but I might as well be honest with 
you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit 
around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first."

Men can lie!!!!!!!

Imagine, a married lawyer catching fun in his car, on getting home his wife observe panties on d back seat, she tore it apart screaming "Honey what is this?!"

He calmly replied “You just destroyed the evidence of the rape case worth a million naira am handling”. She quickly fall on her knees apologizing

Fruit tree discussion

Broccoli: I look like a tree.

Walnut: I look like a brain.

Mushroom: I look like an umbrella.

Banana: dude!!Change the topic..